Two Pink Lines: Trimester 1
Baby Sweet at 12 weeks
Baby Sweet will be here in a few hours or days! Any moment now, really. In between nesting, naps and Braxton Hicks, everything is coming to an end soon. But before it does, I really want to document the magical moment I found out I was pregnant.
Here we go:
Two Pink Lines x 4
Fatigue struck me, but not like its usual self. I would eye the couch, walk towards it mesmerized, rest my head on the throw pillow and wake up an hour later feeling drowsy. This would go on for a couple of days. Then one afternoon after having lunch at Mendocino Farms, Mr. Sweet and I went to Costco to grab a few things. It didn’t take long before I felt like bricks had fallen on me. Whoah, I thought, how heavy was that salad I ate? But a part of me knew that maybe this could be it.
Still, I continued on with my days. Until one night after complaining to Mr. Sweet about not feeling well, we went to get pho at Shank & Bone because pho always cures. Well, sometimes anyway. The food felt heavy and weirdly unenjoyable. Maybe I was really coming down with something? My period was late by a week, so I figured why not take a pregnancy test? Now, I had taken pregnancy tests for months beforehand but to no avail, so I didn’t want to get my hopes up again.
Back at home, I held my breath, waiting for the results as I stood near the bathroom sink.
Then the magical sign appeared: TWO PINK LINES.
I peed on another stick to be sure. Omg, two pink lines again! I opened another test kit that I pulled from deep inside the bathroom cabinets. I anticipated a moment like this. And what do you know, two additional tests validated my week-long suspicion.
Four positive pregnancy tests in all. The bathroom suddenly seemed brighter just like my future. I wanted to keep the news to myself that night because the fluttering inside my belly made me feel so light.
But I ended up teasing one of the four(!) positive tests to Mr. Sweet because I couldn’t help it. I told him the test could be negative just to mess with him. Then while enjoying a sophisticated lunch in Ensenada for our two year anniversary the next day, I had the waiter hand him a positive pregnancy test while dessert was being served.
Affirmations for Baby Sweet & me
We heard Baby Sweet’s heart beat at 8 weeks. Mr. Sweet had to grab Kleenex for us both when we saw their body moving for the first time within my belly. And during the car ride home, we were floating.
Deep down, I knew Baby Sweet would be safe the whole way through. My daily affirmations were of us both being safe and healthy. Each and every time I would throw up, I would tell myself that I may be sick but at least the baby is okay.
I threw up everyday, many times twice and thrice, from Week 6 to Week 21. Week 9 - 16 was the worst. I’d throw up water even. But Baby Sweet grew from an innocent embryo into an amazing fetus, from the size of a kidney bean to now the size of a full-on baby.
Becoming Mommy
I’ve wanted to become Mommy for so long. And while I’m still figuring things out, one thing pregnancy has taught me is that blessings come to those who aren’t necessarily ready, but to those who come with an open heart. And even when your heart is open, you still have to wait for the miracle you’re waiting for to pan out.
This moment of anticipation will soon pass. While I don’t want to relive or recall the sickness, fatigue and anxiety of pregnancy, especially during my first trimester, I want to remember how I triumphed over the days knowing that I did my best to take care of my body and the tiny human growing inside of it.
I’m overcoming mysterious bouts of sadness and incredible doubt in my capacity to give this child everything they will ever need. But I remember the good: a husband who rubs oil on my growing belly each night, loving encouragement from friends & family and the sheer ability to write and share this sacred moment of my life.
My days will begin to be completely novel and curveballs will be thrown left and right, but I get to be Mommy. How sweet is that?