Sticking to my anti-racist goals

Clay Banks via Unsplash. Follow him at @ClayBanks

The sticky notes on my walls convinced me my life still had a direction. My major goals written on blue, pink, and yellow stickies showed me what 2020 – 2021 was going to look like. Then the pandemic’s lockdown began and as confirmed cases throughout California and the world rose fearfully more each day, it was clear that the one true goal was getting through the rest of the year.

There were days when my productivity level was at an all-time high. I read, wrote, and journaled on most mornings. I helped Mr. Sweet get ready each morning by packing his lunch, making us breakfast, kissing him good-bye at the door before he left and greeting him at the same spot when he came home from work in the late evening or night. My afternoons were silent and when I wanted to hear another voice I would turn on a podcast or music. “Being in the flow” was my theme at the beginning of the year after all. 

I continued to be productive because doing is what I know best. I organized the living daylight out of my apartment. I cleaned to the point where I could list every single thing that’s easy to overlook but shouldn’t (i.e. don’t forget to wipe clean the drainage hole in the shower or fold towels so they face the same direction in the linen closet). Taking care of the little things was a project slash coping mechanism for the real and major things I wanted but couldn’t have at the moment (i.e. a job).

Then the murder of George Floyd happened. Breonna Taylor. Ahmaud Marquez Arbery. Their lives were also stolen. Of all the days I had been cocooned in my own world, I never thought long about the world’s injustices. Ignoring trump and the news preserved my contentment, but I could no longer hold steady. There was no ignoring the “generational trauma” Black Lives were having all over again. For the first time, I visited blacklivesmatter.com and donated. I learned using “white supremacy” isn’t extreme but accurate. The Netflix documentaries I used to skip over were watched. There’s still more learning and loving to do.

Now the stickies on my wall and the plans I had for this year and next are awash with less self-centered goals. For so long I wondered what it was I could do to make an impact and make something of myself. I wanted to go back to the days when all I could imagine was how I was going to get a shiny new job. I thought my former plans were upended but nope—instead, my calling (our calling) came crashing in with a forceful wind.

The pandemic killed people, mostly Black Lives and communities of color. For those of us blessedly alive, we were left to do The Work, the important and beautiful work of making this world just and livable for every single person who occupies it. 

This is why I commit, from this point forward, whether it be Life Glamorized or the professional communications work I do/will do, as a Filipino American woman, I will work towards being anti-racist. This means, advancing and showcasing the work and talent of Black, Indigenous and People of Color.

I will speak up when I hear or experience racism. I will not be afraid of sounding “too much” because when you stand for Black Lives and the lives of those who have been facing racism and oppression their entire lives, you stop worrying about what others may think but what their perspectives should shift on instead.

Days may go on as normal soon, but underlying it all for me now is a deeply entrenched desire to pull to the surface more empathy, resilience, and love. Dismantling racism and always showing up as a kind ally is the purest goal, really. As for the sticky notes on my wall that remind me of positive affirmations and to accept life as chaotic but transformative and splendid all at the same time—those can stay up for a while. 

Thanks for reading!

With glamour,

Rizzy